Sometimes tour guides get bored of their own material. Because let's face it, history isn't always interesting. And after the fifth kid asks you, "Why is this place so boring?"...you kind of want to step up your material.
Some personal examples I have heard from co-workers:
Reality - There is a parking lot.
Tour Version - There is a parking lot, but beneath it is a grave site - Native Americans, Civil War soldiers, and Nazis are secretly buried here.
Reality - This used to be a helicopter pad.
Tour Version - A Coast Guard helicopter crashed into this apartment building in the middle of the night.
Reality - Nothing happened.
Tour Version - We saved the muthafuckin' world.
Hey, we have to make ourselves seem SOMEWHAT important. Otherwise GameBoy will win every time.
So I was in a sex shop in SoHo and came across this lovely vibrator. You can hook it up to your iPod and it actually vibrates in tune with the song. The heavier the beat, the more intense the vibration. I played with the display one. "Enter Sandman" is an extremely hardcore song.
Maybe next paycheck...?
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
9,730 Words
I hope to have 40,000 words by OCTOBER 31.
and i only have 9,730
About the day job -
I am a tour guide in New York City. Sometimes, honestly, I get some fucked up people. One old man was walking around aimlessly. I figured he needed help.
Me, "Do you have a question?"
Him, "Would you believe me if I told you I was mentally unstable?"
So he obviously DID have a question - it just wasn't, you know, "Where's the bathroom?" This is a typical tourist question.
It turns out this man's father is from Sicily, and he had too many kids. As a result, this old man and his siblings didn't have a good education. Oh, and he's Catholic. Oh, and he has a learning disability. OH! And he's 77 years old.
Man, I really need to take off with this writing thing. After college, I'm going to teach English courses overseas. I'll get paid shit and treated like shit and I won't know the language. So basically, it'll be just like living in New York.
and i only have 9,730
About the day job -
I am a tour guide in New York City. Sometimes, honestly, I get some fucked up people. One old man was walking around aimlessly. I figured he needed help.
Me, "Do you have a question?"
Him, "Would you believe me if I told you I was mentally unstable?"
So he obviously DID have a question - it just wasn't, you know, "Where's the bathroom?" This is a typical tourist question.
It turns out this man's father is from Sicily, and he had too many kids. As a result, this old man and his siblings didn't have a good education. Oh, and he's Catholic. Oh, and he has a learning disability. OH! And he's 77 years old.
Man, I really need to take off with this writing thing. After college, I'm going to teach English courses overseas. I'll get paid shit and treated like shit and I won't know the language. So basically, it'll be just like living in New York.
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