Be Nice...

Here is what tour guides do to mean, mean visitors:

1. Direct you to the bathrooms that we know are dirty
2. Tell you about the worst or most expensive programs
3. Say, "We're out of those" when we really have a stash of product X beneath the counter
4. Recommend the food cart that we know is infested with roaches and will give you indigestion

If you come up to me and demand a map, and then complain about the one I give you, or maybe complain that tours should be given more often, or maybe you don't like the fact that you can't bring your dog, well then, guess what - I'm going to guide you to the facility with the toilets that spray your asshole with a strange orange juice when you flush...yeah, the one where the sinks don't work until you hit it for a while, and then it sprays hot water everywhere.

You will then be so petrified that you will be tested for HIV.


Like on your face.

You've heard of being nice to the waiters, yes? Well be nice to the tour guides.